


Love Isn't Easy (But It Sure Is Hard Enough)

by goddamn_i_lost_my_fight



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-05
Updated: 2018-09-04
Packaged: 2019-07-06 18:09:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15891303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goddamn_i_lost_my_fight/pseuds/goddamn_i_lost_my_fight
Summary: When Brooke and Chloe have a falling-out, Brooke and Jenna start to reevaluate their relationships with Chloe... and with each other. [Brooke/Jenna, which I'm calling 'crytyping' until somebody tells me a better name]





	Love Isn't Easy (But It Sure Is Hard Enough)

**Author's Note:**

> so this is actually the fourth bmc fanfic i've written, but i wanted to post this one first in honour of the second bmc girls week (this is for ship day, posted 9-5-18)! whoo!  
> anyway, this is a pairing i haven't seen a lot but i really like? so here's my jenna rolan/brooke lohst fanfic (also i'm calling it crytyping for our Very Important Obnoxious BMC Ship Name. feel free to stop me. in fact, please do.) i hope characterisation is okay; we don't really get enough of either of these characters in the musical, so i kinda made up a lot of stuff  
> also: i originally intended for this to be a one-shot, but it kinda got away from me. so i'm posting this without having written the next bits. that means i might make some edits in the future!

It’s no coincidence that Brooke’s favourite spot behind the school is at such an angle that nobody can see her sitting there, alone. And it’s no coincidence that it lets her look out over the hill without seeing any property her school owns, just all the suburban houses with white picket fences and American dreams. It’s a nice place to bring boys. It’s a nice place to cry.

Chloe says Brooke cries too much, says she’s oversensitive. That’s what she said that sent Brooke outside on a chilly autumn day right before her favourite class. Art is Brooke’s favourite because she likes to draw, and because it’s the only class she ended up having with Chloe, who’s supposed to be her best friend. It sure doesn’t feel like it sometimes.

Is a best friend someone who criticizes you whenever you do something wrong? Is a best friend someone who sleeps with all your boyfriends? Is a best friend someone who makes you get those boyfriends in the first place? Is a best friend someone who won’t even stand right next to you because she’s convinced you’ll get too handsy?

Is a best friend someone who tells you she’d ditch you without a second thought, then tells you you’re overreacting when you cry?

Brooke doesn’t have any answers, so she just sobs into the cheeseburger Chloe says she shouldn’t eat. Chloe has been her best, and only, friend since the start of freshman year.

It’s no coincidence that Brooke’s favourite spot behind the school is pretty in autumn. Brooke is partial to it in spring, but when the big oak tree she sits under starts to turn shades of red, orange, and yellow, it makes her wish she had a set of Crayolas. There’s no better way, in Brooke’s opinion, to represent autumn than with crayons. Pencils are for winter, watercolours are for spring, colored pencils are for summer, and crayons are for fall.

It’s as set as… as… Chloe and Brooke. They’re a pair. There’s no one without the other. So Brooke always accepts Chloe’s meaningless apologies.

Leaves crunch on the ground nearby. Maybe Chloe’s coming to apologize. It has to be Chloe. Who else would come look for her? Chloe and Brooke.

“Brooke? You there?”

“Jenna Rolan?” Brooke is so confused she actually has to turn and check that it is indeed Jenna Rolan making her way over to Brooke’s favourite spot behind the school.

“Well, it’s not Jenna Hayes,” Jenna Rolan says.

Brooke almost has to laugh. Jenna Hayes... “Ugh, if Jenna Hayes was here, I’d personally pay for her flight back to Idaho.”

“If Jenna Hayes was here, you wouldn’t have to, because I would gladly split the cost.”

Brooke does laugh at that. Jenna Hayes had truly screwed them all over at the end of freshman year. Almost enough to let Chloe give Jenna Rolan first name-only privileges. But Jenna Hayes’s power was still too strong, even with her absence, so Jenna Rolan remained Jenna Rolan, and Jenna Hayes was just ‘Jenna’ to everyone except for Brooke and Jenna Rolan.

But what is Jenna Rolan doing here? “How… how did you know where to find me?”

“I know everything,” Jenna says mysteriously, waving her hands and plopping down next to Brooke. Brooke scoots over to make room for the both of them to lean on the big oak tree.

“Seriously, Jenna.”

“Chloe said you’d probably be out here. You’re missing art, you know.”

“You’re missing… chemistry?”

Jenna’s eyes widen. “How’d you know that?”

“I know everything,” Brooke says, a playful grin crossing her face.

“I… didn’t think anyone paid any attention to me.”

“We’re friends. Why wouldn’t I pay attention to you?”

“Chloe doesn’t.”

Brooke looks away. “Chloe doesn’t pay attention to anyone.”

“She pays enough to be interested in any gossip I have.”

“That’s not _real_   stuff.”

Jenna crosses her arms, and huffs, “What is ‘real’ stuff according to Brooke, huh?”

“Like… like the way you always poke in all the bubbles on your soda cap before you drink it, or like the bi pride pin on your backpack, real stuff! A person isn’t just… who they’re sleeping with, or who wants to sleep with them.”

“Y- you noticed the pride pin on my backpack?”

Brooke blushes and gets up to throw out her lunch tray. Arguing with Chloe made her lose her appetite. She’s not sure why she brought it. Maybe just so she’d have an excuse to walk outside if anyone asked. Jenna doesn’t move.

In fact, by the time Brooke has walked back to the school, thrown out her lunch, and walked back to the tree, it doesn’t look like Jenna has even moved an inch. Except for the fact that she’s now holding Brooke’s sketchbook.

“Jenna!” Her voice cracks. Panic rushes from her chest into her tear ducts. She can feel it trying to work its way out.

“Whoa, don’t cry, Brooke! I’m sorry.” Jenna puts her sketchbook back into her backpack, fingers fumbling with the zipper.

“Why would you go looking through my things?” She’s crying. Again. Chloe’s right.

“I just… I’m nosy. That’s what I do, I don’t know. I’m sorry, I didn’t know you’d be upset.”

Brooke wipes tears off her face, careful around her eyeliner. “I’m sorry for overreacting.”

“It’s fine,” Jenna says.

She expected some sort of hollow reassurance that she wasn’t overreacting, but tact never has been Jenna’s strong suit. “Why did you come out to talk to me?”

“Chloe wanted to apologize.”

“Why didn’t she come?”

“She didn’t want to apologize that bad,” Jenna says, giggling.

Brooke smiles, despite feeling a bitter twist in her chest. “I guess I should go tell her I accept her apology.”

“If you want to.”

Brooke is a little taken aback. Of course she has to accept her apology. Chloe and Brooke. That’s the way it is. Maybe Jenna just means it can wait until after school. It can. She sits down next to Jenna.

Jenna looks over at her. “You’re really good at drawing, Brooke.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

“Chloe says I need to work on anatomy.” Brooke adjusts her sweater so she doesn’t have to look at Jenna.

“Who doesn’t? That Picasso guy could stand to learn what a human looks like.”

Brooke laughs, actually laughs. “Jenna!”

“You wanna know what I heard about Chloe?”

She hesitates. She shouldn’t. Out of loyalty for her friend, at least. “Okay.”

“I heard that she failed pre-calc last year and she isn’t going to graduate.”

Brooke gasps. “Did you fact-check that?”

“No. I _know_ she failed the final, though, so it doesn’t sound that far-fetched.”

“Wouldn’t she have told me? I’m her best friend. And we’ve been making plans for graduation since freshman year!”

Jenna shrugs and leans her head back against the tree. “I was the one that told you when she was making a move on your date at the Halloween party.”

Brooke isn’t sure if she should be thankful or not. All it did was ruin her evening. Of course, it did mean she went home early and missed the fire. That was something to be grateful for.

Jenna keeps talking when Brooke doesn’t answer. “I’ve noticed she sleeps with a lot of your boyfriends.”

“That’s just Chloe.”

“I’ve also noticed… that you don’t seem to care.”

“Of course I care!” Brooke protests. She tugs at the sleeves of her sweater.

“Look, you’re messing with your sleeves. You do that when you’re lying.”

“I… do? How’d you even notice that?” Brooke finds herself blushing again.

“I’m just observant.”

“I guess I don’t care that much. It’s just because that’s just what Chloe does! I find something nice, and she has to ruin it. I thought things were different after the play, but…”

“Doing ecstasy one time doesn’t change your life.”

“How come you always know everything, Jenna?”

Jenna runs a hand through her hair. “… Can I tell you something personal? Promise you won’t tell anybody?”

“Pinky pinkberry swear,” Brooke says, offering her pinky. Oh, that’s baby-ish. She’s such a baby.

But Jenna returns the gesture and smiles. “Okay, thanks, Brooke. So I’ve been talking to a counselor since the play, when my mom totally freaked for no reason. I always thought I just gossiped and all because it was _interesting,_ but…”

“Ooh, I took psych sophomore year! You, uh, you have… a dispute between the ego and the superego! Or is it the id? The iliad?”

Jenna laughs. “Oh, my God, you sound _just_ like Ms. Deidrick.”

“Freud is the only thing I remember from that class. He was such a pervy weirdo.”

“That’s all anyone remembers from psych, trust me.” Jenna’s smile fades. “But it’s just, like… I never wanted to think about myself, so I pushed myself into everyone else’s business so I wouldn’t have to talk about my life. Then I, like, twisted that around on myself so I felt like nobody cared about me.”

“People care about you, Jenna!” Brooke furrows her eyebrows. She could cry thinking that Jenna Rolan felt alone when there were so many people around all the time.

“Well, yeah, I know that now.”

“Good. You’re, like, my second-closest friend other than Chloe.”

“Really?” Jenna seems surprised.

“Uh, do you ever see me hang out with anyone else? Why are you surprised?”

“I just… I don’t know, you never tell me anything about yourself, or hang out with me when Chloe’s not around.”

“Well, one, if I told you something about myself, everyone else would know in an hour. And, two, Chloe’s always around. It’s Chloe and Brooke, not… Chloe. And Brooke. Separate.”

“Both good points.”

The bell distantly rings. Passing period. Brooke’s going to miss English if she doesn’t hurry up. Well, whatever, English is her native language, she doesn’t need to take a whole class for it.

“I’m…” Brooke is hesitant, not sure where her sentence is going. “I know that you’re, like, better now or whatever, and you don’t think that anymore, but maybe we… could hang out, just the two of us. After school?”

“There’s this diner near my house that has nice milkshakes if you want to, like, get milkshakes.”

“That sounds nice.” Brooke smiles.

 

* * *

 

 

Jenna is right. The milkshakes are nice. She always gets froyo with Chloe. Never real ice cream stuff. There’s something inherently healthier about ice cream when you’re paying for it by the ounce and coating it in chocolate chips, and Chloe likes that.

“And Chloe totally bailed on me,” Jenna is saying. “She went out with Madeleine to the movies instead. And she hates Madeleine!”

“Un-be-lieve-able.” Brooke shakes her head.

Jenna sucks at her milkshake (it’s strawberry, with no whipped cream or cherry). “I know, right! She’s always ditching me.”

“She’s always ditching me, too.” Brooke rolls her eyes.

“What? Really?”

“Yeah! She says she just forgets we have plans, but one time we were going to go out for pizza to celebrate our friend-iversary, and she said she was sick and couldn’t come, but then I saw her at the mall with her friend from Summit High.”

Jenna makes a disbelieving noise into her straw.

“I know, right? And then she told me that friend-iversaries were lame, and I needed to grow up. Like, whatever, Chloe.” Brooke grumpily drinks more of her milkshake.

“She could’ve just said that upfront.”

Brooke nods. It’s really nice to vent to someone about Chloe. Hopefully Jenna won’t spread it all around the school. It’s all true, at least.

A crashing sound comes from behind them, and they both turn to look. Some girl that Brooke vaguely recognizes as a freshman or sophomore at their school has bumped into a waitress and knocked some empty plates to the ground. Yikes.

Behind them, though, Brooke sees that there’s a jukebox. She gasps. “Jenna, does that work?”

“Does what work?”

“The jukebox!”

“Oh. Yeah. It’s, like, a quarter per song, though. And it doesn’t have anything from the past decade.”

“Can you loan me a quarter?”

“You… wanna try it?”

“Please!” Brooke turns back to Jenna, puppy dog eyes on display. “Please, please! I don’t have any money with me, but I’ll pay you back tomorrow!”

“Okay, sure. Why not?” Jenna stands up and wrestles her wallet out of her pocket, then finds a quarter.

“Thanks so much, Jenna!” Brooke excitedly hugs her.

When she pulls back, Jenna looks _very_ surprised. Brooke brushes it off and goes over to try the jukebox, expertly navigating around the cook sweeping up the broken dishes.

Okay, jukebox! American Pie… Hotel California… What’s New Pussycat… Come Together… We Will Rock You… Stayin’ Alive… It’s Not Unusual… Dancing Queen… Jenna likes ABBA, doesn’t she? She’s seen Mamma Mia, like, twelve times, hasn’t she?

Brooke puts the quarter in and pays to play Dancing Queen. She makes her way back to their seats, again avoiding the mess.

“Hey, ABBA!” Jenna says, grinning. So Brooke was right.

“Yeah!”

“Do you listen to ABBA?”

“Not really. I always thought they were kind of, like, old. The sort of music my parents listen to, y’know? But you like ABBA, right?”

“I can’t believe you remembered that.”

Brooke shrugs. “I like to listen to my friends.”

“Well, _I_ like to listen to ABBA.”

Brooke laughs and spins her stool away from Jenna. “That’s a dumb thing to say, Jenna.”

“I’m dumb,” she says, but she’s still smiling. She sucks at her milkshake and it makes that telltale slurping-glass sound that means it’s basically gone.

The glass is empty. Time is passing. A knot ties itself in Brooke’s stomach, and she sighs. “I guess I should go talk to Chloe.”

“If you want to.”

“I have to.” Brooke gives Jenna as stern a look as she can muster. She feels a little too resigned to muster much.

“I don’t know. Talking to people kind of made me realise… Our cliques and social structures and all that seems really important now, but in the long run? You’re probably never going to talk to most of these people ever again. It’s important to keep your spirits up, but that doesn’t always mean being the number one popular kid.” Jenna shrugs.

“You sound like my mom.” Brooke raises an eyebrow, but finds herself fingering the sleeve of her sweater. “Chloe’s my best friend.”

“Sure, yeah. I know that. I know everything, remember?”

Brooke smiles, even though nervous energy is starting to pool in her feet and the knot in her stomach has turned into a knot deserving of a place in Ripley’s. “Right. I… like hanging out with you, Jenna. We should hang out more.”

“Yeah.”

“And I don’t mean that the way I mean it when I tell teachers ‘I’ll totally study more,’ I, like, seriously mean it. You’re my friend, and I feel bad that we’ve basically never hung out before.”

“I’m… glad you consider me a friend.” Jenna looks away and stirs her straw around in her empty glass. She looks a little… sad? Oh, no, Brooke made her sad. What now?

“Uhm… I’m glad, too. Or else…” Something that won’t make Jenna sad. Brooke can’t leave her sad. “Or else I never would’ve known to come to this place. It’s really cool!”

She brightens up immediately. “You think so?”

“Yeah! How’d you even know about it?”

“Well, my… my parents used to take me here all the time. It was, like, our thing, y’know? We’d go and see a movie every Saturday, then go here for dinner after, because it’s pretty close to our house.”

“I… don’t think I’ve ever been to your house? That’s weird.”

“Oh, yeah, I… don’t really… uh…” she trails off. Oops, bad topic again. Nice going, Brooke. “But, yeah, that’s how I know about it. When I first started driving, I’d just drive over here and hang out and eavesdrop on people. Seriously, you wouldn’t believe it, people think that sitting in a booth suddenly means nobody can hear them. They say the weirdest stuff.”

This is definitely a safe topic. Chloe and Brooke and Jenna used to spend hours talking about other people. “Like what?”

Jenna leans in conspiratorially. Brooke automatically spins her stool to get a little closer. “Well… One time I heard this girl talking about how she got an A on her English final when she totally bombed it, ‘cause she caught the teacher doing crystal meth in the bathroom.”

Brooke gasps. “At Middleborough?”

“Nah. I think she went to Summit. That's the one we're always losing to in track, yeah? Middleborough doesn’t really do drug scandals.”

“Except for the ecstasy thing.”

“Except for the ecstasy thing,” Jenna agrees. “But that was an outlier.”

“Ooh, math terms. Speaking of… I guess I should ask Chloe if she really failed pre-calc. I’d hate to…” Brooke leans back and tries not to get too sad. “… graduate without her.”

“Try not to tell her I told you?”

“She’ll probably know.”

“True. Tell me how it goes.”

“I’ll text you,” Brooke promises, sliding off of the stool. She stumbles a bit when she hits the ground. Geez, she’s too short for this. Jenna snorts. Brooke almost blushes. But it’s just Jenna. Jenna won’t judge her for being a little unsteady on her feet. She turns back and sticks her tongue out, which causes Jenna to laugh more, before she walks straight out of the diner. The sound of Dancing Queen fades behind her.

The autumn chill hits her hard and she shivers. Oh, she realises, should she have asked to split the bill? Well, she can pay Jenna back at school. Now, she has to call Chloe. A cold wind sweeps through her as she pulls her phone out of her pocket.


End file.
